The feeling of failure

Do you ever feel as if though your failing as a parent?

As a millennial mama who had her baby at 19 and fresh out of high school, I’m constantly having an inner battle with myself.

You have the gentle parenting, attachment parenting, downsized parenting, RIE parenting, and granola (crunchy) parenting.

That’s just to name a few and honestly I don’t even know what they all mean!

Sometimes I feel like I don’t fit into these parenting styles and I’m ok with that.

Other times I feel as though I’m doing a disadvantage to Shawn by not falling into one of these categories.

Am I doing enough for him?

Is it bad that we still live with my parents?

Am I too passive?

Do I yell too much, maybe not enough?

Did I set enough boundaries, did I set too many boundaries?

Honestly I could go on and on, my brain sometimes just won’t shut up!

Now don’t get me wrong…

I think Shawn’s an amazing kid even though our biggest issue (or what I think is the biggest issue) is having a picky eater.

We are constantly (ok maybe not that constant but it feels like it) fighting and pleading with him to just TRY the veggies in front of him before he decides he doesn’t like them.

But what I’ve come to realize is that I have an amazing, kind, emotional, and caring little spirit.

He’s not starving, although I’m not sure just how healthy his diet is.

He has a roof over his head, granted we do share a room but it is what it is for the time being.

We know this living situation is not permanent.

He has clothes that fit, and shoes that don’t have holes in them (except for the pair that he refuses to let me throw away because they’re his favorite).

So mom and dad must be doing something right, right?!

But yet, I still find myself comparing myself with others.

What are they doing that I’m not?

Here’s the thing, we live in a time where we only see what people want us to see.

I mean if you see my Instagram we’re happy, healthy, and nothings wrong.

But what you don’t see is the constant stress.

The constant fight I’m having with myself to hurry and get out on our own, to get him to be eat better, to live a less toxic lifestyle.

My inner mom bully starts up and it’s “Shawns not eating organic, why are you feeding him that processed crap, he needs MORE veggies you’re failing! Teach him Spanish or it’s your fault that he’ll be at a disadvantage later in his life! The boy is in desperate need of his own space you can’t co mingle in the same room forever!”

“Los únicos brazos que siempre encontrarás cuando necesites un abrazo son los de tu madre.” – Anonymous

So when I start to do this I just step back and remind myself of what a great kid Shawn is and how we’re doing our absolute best with him!

So if your like me, a mama who finds herself judging intently, just remember that you are doing your best!

There’s no need to make everything a competition. I have to constantly remind myself that the ONLY parent I need to be better than is the parent I was yesterday!

Honestly it doesn’t matter if your organized, if you have a parenting method, or if your winging this parenting thing….at the end of the day your kids will show you the kind of parent THEY need.

These little people have a mind of their own and they are BOSSY (in a CFO way not like a leader of the mafia way)!

So I’m sure whatever kind of parent you thought you would be has somewhat shifted since pregnancy.

I mean we’re all just trying to make sure our kids don’t lose any limbs or are too emotionally scarred on their way to adulthood.

Remember you are NOT failing!

You are doing your BEST.

I believe you know exactly what YOUR (not anyone else’s) kid/kids need!

Follow your heart, your gut, and just have FAITH that you’re raising your kids as best as you know how!

Selfish, in a good way!

2018 for me was the year of ME.

I selfishly thought of myself.

I selfishly loved myself harder than ever before!

I selfishly looked at ways to improve my way of life.

As a mama that word “selfish” sometimes comes with backlash.

Why?

Because as moms, the moment you find out you’re pregnant,you know that it is no longer about you.

En esta vida no existe algo mas valioso que tu hijos.**

You have to guide, teach, and build them up to be kind humans because that’s what the world needs more of.

We desperately need more compassion, kindness, and amor!***

Let me tell you, you cannot!

Absolutely CANNOT help fill your children’s emotional tank to full if you yourself are running on E.

Whether you are a working mom, a SAHM, a work from home mom, or whatever kind of mama you may be. At the end of the day you need to find a way to schedule some you time.

Now “you time” is absolutely different for everyone.

Some mamas enjoy a trip to the nail salon, getting a massage, going for drinks with your girls, exercising, or getting some yarn and just zoning out to create.

Whatever your niche may be, schedule some time for it!

So for 2018 the year of me, I started thinking BIGGER. I started thinking not only about me but the planet and more long term issues that weighed heavy on my heart and soul!

What selfish changes could I start to make in my life for me and my life?

I started purging items from the house, items that gave me no joy or brought no value to my life anymore.

I focused on switching over to cleaner products for me, my family, and the planet.

I started thinking about where I was spending my money because voting with your dollars is REAL!

I learned about B corporations, certified B Corps are corporations that meet the HIGHEST standards of verified social and environmental performance, public transparency, and legal accountability.

When I can shop small, I do!

Now, I can’t afford to shop small as much as I would love to because hello, balling on a budget over here.

So when I do make my way to my beloved Target.

I try to make sure to look at the brands I’m giving my money to because Target does carry items from B Corps and I’m ALLLL for it.

Another thing I started in 2018 that I am continuing to do this year is my capsule wardrobe. I’ve been so fascinated with the idea of LESS clothing!

If you like me, have hundreds of pieces of clothing yet still have “nothing to wear” think about the pieces you have if you didn’t wear them ONCE last year the chances of you wearing it this year are slim to none.

So last year was the start of a big purge I got rid of about 3 big black trash bags worth of clothing some was not good enough to donate and that got trashed immediately.

Now as much as I would love to say the stuff that I was able to donate was donated…I can’t!

Unfortunately it’s just sitting in that black trash bag in the trunk of my car with FULL intentions of being donated but as far as when that’s ACTUALLY going to happen, I’m not quite sure. LOL

After emptying out my closet of things I won’t be wearing anymore I ordered space bags.

The space bags are so I could complete a capsule wardrobe because less really is more if you have pieces that can be styled multiple ways. The idea of the capsule wardrobe for me is to be able to store off season clothing out of sight.

Fall/Winter clothes to be put away during the Spring/Summer when they’re not needed and vice versa.

Now you might be thinking, “How are spending differently, throwing away things, and living life differently, selfish?”

Plain and simple, #MomGuilt kicks in for the time I’m dedicating to these tasks which do make me feel selfish but for me these changes have made my heart and soul so much happier as a human and as a mama.

Giving myself the tools to better myself in the long run so that I can be happy, not stressed, so that I can create an amazing environment to do my best in raising tiny humans (well human at the moment but I do want more).

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So ask yourself mama, have you been selfish enough?

Selfish enough to make sure your emotional tank is full so that you can properly fill the tanks of your little’s who are so intently looking up to you and your every move?

I’m here to tell you it’s OK!

OK to be selfish.

OK to think of yourself first.

OK to have some “you time”.

You mama, deserve it more than anyone!

Do yourself a favor and do something SELFISH you will not regret it!

 

 

Translations

**In this life nothing more valuable than your kids exist

***Love