Do you ever feel as if though your failing as a parent?
As a millennial mama who had her baby at 19 and fresh out of high school, I’m constantly having an inner battle with myself.
You have the gentle parenting, attachment parenting, downsized parenting, RIE parenting, and granola (crunchy) parenting.
That’s just to name a few and honestly I don’t even know what they all mean!
Sometimes I feel like I don’t fit into these parenting styles and I’m ok with that.
Other times I feel as though I’m doing a disadvantage to Shawn by not falling into one of these categories.
Am I doing enough for him?
Is it bad that we still live with my parents?
Am I too passive?
Do I yell too much, maybe not enough?
Did I set enough boundaries, did I set too many boundaries?
Honestly I could go on and on, my brain sometimes just won’t shut up!
Now don’t get me wrong…
I think Shawn’s an amazing kid even though our biggest issue (or what I think is the biggest issue) is having a picky eater.
We are constantly (ok maybe not that constant but it feels like it) fighting and pleading with him to just TRY the veggies in front of him before he decides he doesn’t like them.
But what I’ve come to realize is that I have an amazing, kind, emotional, and caring little spirit.
He’s not starving, although I’m not sure just how healthy his diet is.
He has a roof over his head, granted we do share a room but it is what it is for the time being.
We know this living situation is not permanent.
He has clothes that fit, and shoes that don’t have holes in them (except for the pair that he refuses to let me throw away because they’re his favorite).
So mom and dad must be doing something right, right?!
But yet, I still find myself comparing myself with others.
What are they doing that I’m not?
Here’s the thing, we live in a time where we only see what people want us to see.
I mean if you see my Instagram we’re happy, healthy, and nothings wrong.
But what you don’t see is the constant stress.
The constant fight I’m having with myself to hurry and get out on our own, to get him to be eat better, to live a less toxic lifestyle.
My inner mom bully starts up and it’s “Shawns not eating organic, why are you feeding him that processed crap, he needs MORE veggies you’re failing! Teach him Spanish or it’s your fault that he’ll be at a disadvantage later in his life! The boy is in desperate need of his own space you can’t co mingle in the same room forever!”
“Los únicos brazos que siempre encontrarás cuando necesites un abrazo son los de tu madre.” – Anonymous
So when I start to do this I just step back and remind myself of what a great kid Shawn is and how we’re doing our absolute best with him!
So if your like me, a mama who finds herself judging intently, just remember that you are doing your best!
There’s no need to make everything a competition. I have to constantly remind myself that the ONLY parent I need to be better than is the parent I was yesterday!
Honestly it doesn’t matter if your organized, if you have a parenting method, or if your winging this parenting thing….at the end of the day your kids will show you the kind of parent THEY need.
These little people have a mind of their own and they are BOSSY (in a CFO way not like a leader of the mafia way)!
So I’m sure whatever kind of parent you thought you would be has somewhat shifted since pregnancy.
I mean we’re all just trying to make sure our kids don’t lose any limbs or are too emotionally scarred on their way to adulthood.
Remember you are NOT failing!
You are doing your BEST.
I believe you know exactly what YOUR (not anyone else’s) kid/kids need!
Follow your heart, your gut, and just have FAITH that you’re raising your kids as best as you know how!
2018 for me was the year of ME.
I selfishly thought of myself.
I selfishly loved myself harder than ever before!
I selfishly looked at ways to improve my way of life.
As a mama that word “selfish” sometimes comes with backlash.
Because as moms, the moment you find out you’re pregnant,you know that it is no longer about you.
En esta vida no existe algo mas valioso que tu hijos.**
You have to guide, teach, and build them up to be kind humans because that’s what the world needs more of.
We desperately need more compassion, kindness, and amor!***
Let me tell you, you cannot!
Absolutely CANNOT help fill your children’s emotional tank to full if you yourself are running on E.
Whether you are a working mom, a SAHM, a work from home mom, or whatever kind of mama you may be. At the end of the day you need to find a way to schedule some you time.
Now “you time” is absolutely different for everyone.
Some mamas enjoy a trip to the nail salon, getting a massage, going for drinks with your girls, exercising, or getting some yarn and just zoning out to create.
Whatever your niche may be, schedule some time for it!
So for 2018 the year of me, I started thinking BIGGER. I started thinking not only about me but the planet and more long term issues that weighed heavy on my heart and soul!
What selfish changes could I start to make in my life for me and my life?
I started purging items from the house, items that gave me no joy or brought no value to my life anymore.
I focused on switching over to cleaner products for me, my family, and the planet.
I started thinking about where I was spending my money because voting with your dollars is REAL!
I learned about B corporations, certified B Corps are corporations that meet the HIGHEST standards of verified social and environmental performance, public transparency, and legal accountability.
When I can shop small, I do!
Now, I can’t afford to shop small as much as I would love to because hello, balling on a budget over here.
So when I do make my way to my beloved Target.
I try to make sure to look at the brands I’m giving my money to because Target does carry items from B Corps and I’m ALLLL for it.
Another thing I started in 2018 that I am continuing to do this year is my capsule wardrobe. I’ve been so fascinated with the idea of LESS clothing!
If you like me, have hundreds of pieces of clothing yet still have “nothing to wear” think about the pieces you have if you didn’t wear them ONCE last year the chances of you wearing it this year are slim to none.
So last year was the start of a big purge I got rid of about 3 big black trash bags worth of clothing some was not good enough to donate and that got trashed immediately.
Now as much as I would love to say the stuff that I was able to donate was donated…I can’t!
Unfortunately it’s just sitting in that black trash bag in the trunk of my car with FULL intentions of being donated but as far as when that’s ACTUALLY going to happen, I’m not quite sure. LOL
After emptying out my closet of things I won’t be wearing anymore I ordered space bags.
The space bags are so I could complete a capsule wardrobe because less really is more if you have pieces that can be styled multiple ways. The idea of the capsule wardrobe for me is to be able to store off season clothing out of sight.
Fall/Winter clothes to be put away during the Spring/Summer when they’re not needed and vice versa.
Now you might be thinking, “How are spending differently, throwing away things, and living life differently, selfish?”
Plain and simple, #MomGuilt kicks in for the time I’m dedicating to these tasks which do make me feel selfish but for me these changes have made my heart and soul so much happier as a human and as a mama.
Giving myself the tools to better myself in the long run so that I can be happy, not stressed, so that I can create an amazing environment to do my best in raising tiny humans (well human at the moment but I do want more).
So ask yourself mama, have you been selfish enough?
Selfish enough to make sure your emotional tank is full so that you can properly fill the tanks of your little’s who are so intently looking up to you and your every move?
I’m here to tell you it’s OK!
OK to be selfish.
OK to think of yourself first.
OK to have some “you time”.
You mama, deserve it more than anyone!
Do yourself a favor and do something SELFISH you will not regret it!
**In this life nothing more valuable than your kids exist
Being Mexican American is hard!
I feel lost.
Like I don’t really know who I am.
I’m American, but maybe not American enough.
I’m Mexican, but maybe not Mexican enough.
I can be doing absolutely nothing wrong but if a cop pulls up behind my car, my heart races, and my hands sweat.
I get looked at and immediately think they’ll see brown, she who does not belong.
Don’t even get me started on my Spanish! I mean it’s decent enough but it’s not proper.
It’s not until I’m having a conversation with someone whose native tongue IS Spanish that I realize how bad mine actually is.
I’ll stutter and say in Spanish “pues no se la palabra, pero en ingles es (insert english word here)”
My cheeks get flustered and red, embarrassed that I don’t know the word.
Because I should!
Now don’t get me wrong I’m proud of who I am!!
It’s just sometimes I feel like I don’t know enough of my history which makes me feel somewhat disconnected.
Even more, realizing Shawn (my favorite child, also my only for now) has an “identity project” that needs working on.
He’s supposed to choose one of the following;
-a cultural tradition in winter and why it is important to him.
-a person who is important to his cultural history.
-bring in and describe a family or cultural item or tradition and why it is important to him.
I know a few big names.
As far as knowing details of what they did or why they did it Im completely lost.
Me and dad are gonna have to do research on and help him with.
I want to take into consideration my heritage and I wanna instill it into Shawn i don’t want it to be lost.
But how do I do that when I don’t know enough myself, do we learn it together do i try and learn it all myself and then just share what i feel will benefit him.
Here’s the thing….
I know American culture, American history, American traditions.
There’s nothing in our history books (from school at least) that ever gave us insight to anyone else’s culture, history, or traditions.
Yet here I am having to help my kid with an identity project.
I’ve been meaning to get my hands on this book called “A peoples history of the United States” by Howard Zinn. I heard if you want a truthful raw history of our country this is the book to read!
So maybe now is the time to snag it up to help myself help Shawn with this project.
It’s just hard when sometimes i can’t fully comprehend who I am as a person.
I’m still learning, learning who I am, learning who id like to become.
I might not have it all figured out. But i like who I am becoming, I like the chicana mama I am!
I don’t want to let down my ancestors for all their hard work and dedication. To continue to flourish as people. To keep our history alive!
We’re strong, resilient, and determined!
I don’t believe in New Years resolutions i believe the best time for resolutions are the moment you think of them.
So my goal now is to learn as much as I can and pass it down to Shawn or learn along side him.
So please if you’re reading this and you have ANY book or even documentaries that you can recommend to this hermana I would really really appreciate it.
So leave a comment and let me know what’s up! Educate me! Don’t belittle me!
I’ve had this fire burning inside me to write for quite a while. I’ve read a ton of different blogs, I have Insta-friends that blog, and what I’ve come to realize is that I can connect with certain aspects of their blogs but not all.
Which is totally fine because not everyone is going to be exactly like me but I also believe that there are more mamas out there in the world that have more in common with me than I know, so this is for YOU.
For my Chicana mamas from the bay (or anywhere really) that feel like you haven’t found the blog with the right amount of motherhood and no te dejes mija.
This is for the teen mamas, the mamas who still live at home (ME! No shame), the ones who are 420 friendly yet still feel a little shamed to say it, the ones who went to college and learned from the streets. A safe space for myself and other mamas who will NOT judge you.
None the less, I’m not your average mama, I’m a 26 year old Mexican American and damn proud! I’m nice pero no te pases, I mean the bay raised me so you know I’ll stand up for me and mine whenever necessary. A little ratchet at times but I can’t help it that’s me okurrrrrt.
But here’s the thing I love about blogging, I like the freedom of being transparent, a place where I can completely be me, share MY ideas on parenting, lifestyle, adventure, and whatever other fun stuff comes to mind, this blog is MINE and I can do as I please!
I want to get a little personal and tell you guys a little about myself, aside from being 26 and from the Bay Area, California. I got pregnant right out of high school, I was 18 I had been with my boyfriend for about a year and we clearly were not being too careful. When I realized I was pregnant I was terrified, baffled, and apprehensive! I mean fresh out of high school and starting a family was NOT a part of the plan.
This isn’t how things were supposed to go, I was supposed to finish high school, go to college, get a degree, get engaged, get married, and THEN start a family. But sometimes life just has different plans and I truly believe this is what was in store for me. That doesn’t quite mean that it was all sunshine and flowers from the moment I found out I was pregnant (8 years ago!!) but I definitely feel that I NEEDED Shawn!
Honestly I just hope to connect with other like minded mamas, who are doing their best to raise kind little humans, who want to protect their families and keep them safe and healthy, and who may not have a big support system at home.
I want to have the sense of community that every mama needs. We need to apoyar each other and not tear each other down.
I’m not sure where this blog will lead me in the near future but for now it’s a safe space for me to put my thoughts out into the world, if they get read great! If not, I have my own public journal to look back on later in life when I’m old and wrinkly and yelling at my Viejo!